


Raw Nostalgia.

by Jxdith



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, One Shot, Overthinking, Papyrus Knows More Than He Lets On, Papyrus Needs A Hug, Papyrus-centric, Running Away, Sad Papyrus, Self-Loathing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, but anyway, it's pretty old though but i wanna post it here since i jst posted it on another website, just paps and his thoughts, old and simple oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 19:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jxdith/pseuds/Jxdith
Summary: It's been a long time since he felt this. He couldn't help but look down below as he thinks and rethinks the old memories.Wasn't he enough? Or was he just a waste of space?He couldn't help but hug his knees.





	Raw Nostalgia.

**Author's Note:**

> Heyya just wanted to let you know this is an old oneshot I posted in wattpad since November 21 2016 omgg;;;
> 
> But anywho, it used to be a chaptered story bt then I think it would be great if its only a simple oneshot tho so I hope you like my old work! Comments and Kudos are very appreciated!

Ah yes, the feeling of guilt. It was always there ever since he lied about everything, to Sans, to Undyne and everyone else he knew. How could it be, that the feeling was so great?

He was so used to it.

Everyone is. Everyone knows what guilt feels like, it feels terrible. It burns morality, it makes us loath about everything, it burdens us. The thing does what it does to people. To Papyrus, he should have feel terrible about it, lying to everything, the terrible feeling of remorse.

Everything.

But no, it was no used, he can't change it if he so wanted to. The past is what it is then.

And here he was. Walking down to the debts of Waterfalls. It was unusual at first. He wasnt used to this place back then, he rarely goes here but times passes by the place was now his favorite. Huh. Time flies so fast these days.

Though the darkness that was now overlapping him was oddly making him feel safe. He would like that. Being alone for a moment. He usually only go to Waterfall to have that training with Undyne but times like these. Its been pretty rare. He wonder though, would anyone ever care if he just- disappear for a moment? Have time for himself? No distractions and loud voices?

...

 

Why would anyone care? Not all of Snowdin even know him, nor care about him. Sans doesn't care about him, he just goes to his room and wakes him up for breakfast and be a responsible brother like he was all the time.

Sans only cares about Papyrus because he was only there to keep him on track, to keep him sane and happy. Yeah, happy. That's what Papyrus needs for Sans to be. Happy. But its also useless somehow. He can't make Sans happy all the time, he's was also the same state as Papyrus, ever since then.

If by means Sans is happy to see Papyrus being happy, then he'll stay that way for Sans. No matter what. Because it make Sans happy. But understood that Papyrus is not happy as he was. He's just acting for him. Because Sans needs him just for him.

Everyone needs him. Yet he sees it in a different way than they really mean it. But overall, does anyone care?

Nobody cares about what he feels. Nobody cares about what state he is. Nobody needs to know. He needs someone but what people only see will stay that way, and he needs to stay that way in his entire life.

But no one cares. No one cares what he does, eveybody loves Sans. And he's so happy to see Sans has the joy he needs from everyone else.

He's just nothing important to anyone. He was only needed by someone when they do need him.

He was just the other brother who people only knew and judged by.

Papyrus halts, and sat by the edge of a rushing waterfall. Followed by a group of waterlilies. The sounds of the waters was pleasant to hear, it tamed him for a while. His mind taking a break for a moment before he loath.

Small voices coming from the Echo Flowers. He remembers being scared at it back then but now he got used to it. Though it was so dumb of him to get scared of just by a flower! He was friends with Flowey for star's sake! He should be used to it!

Speaking of Flowey. How was him? He usually always greets him when Papyrus is out somewhere. The small creature was always with him, always there to greet and talked to. Talking about how he was and how's everything, sometimes he tells him about what might happen later and some things that aren't usually gonna happen. He was glad to have a friend like him, he does what true friends does. Always there by eah other, reaching each other out. Keeping promises.

Then there's Papyrus, always runs to Flowey when he needs him, tells him about his problems and secrets. Everything. Yet he still lies to him also. What happens when Flowey finds out that all he says wasn't true? What if he'll leave him and tell everyone?? What if everyone leaves him???

Papyrus chocked on clean air as he feel his throat feeling a little sore. The guilt, its back again. Except its spreading around his chest tightly with a burning feeling.

He just cant imagine it. Everyone leaving just because of him. It just hurts to watch them leave.

He just can't do it. He just can't .

He stared at the bottom, the void of nothing. His breath was shallow for a moment, it wouldn't matter if it was too much, he doesn't want to tell anyone about it. Because if they knew. He'll break character. Thousands of question he'll have to answer, exposed that he lied about almost everything. And worst of all, losing their trust on him.

That's not. Who Papyrus is. Right?

But he wanted to tell them, to everyone. To tell them the truth. That's the right thing! Maybe after he tells the truth they can finally understand him, and he doesn't have to be all happy about everything and be himself for once! For himself just once. Or maybe if they knew he was lying all along he can just go to the nearest edge and maybe- jump? Or maybe he'll just lie again, leave a note to Sans that hes going somewhere else and maybe- go to the void. But...

Wouldn't that be too much?

All of them are already having problems and mostly Sans. He can't just make them feel even worst. They'll be burden by it. And he doesn't want that. He has to act what everyone sees him, and that's what they consume what they think is who he was. But what about himself? He can't just stay happy all the time! But everyone believes in him, all the people he knew and known!

He HAS to stay that way! For them! For Sans, for everyone!

But he doesn't want t!. But it was what everyone wanted to see! Everyone knew Papyrus isn't selfish right? He even told himself he is no selfish person! He's the happy, naive, innocent, stupid skeleton-

"Stop!" Papyrus shuts his sockets tightly. Silent sobs echoed through the area, he can feel the warm tears falling down unconciously from his empty eyesockets. Sniffing, he covered his eyes with his gloves. It just hurts. Everything hurts.

He just doesn't know what to do anymore.

Its just too much. He can't forgive himself for the lies, for eveything. Ever since the resets started.

His sobbings stopped and stood.

Its all for nothing.

Suddenly he heard small footsteps coming, and also an alarmingly echoed voice ranged. The voice wasn't what he was expecting.

"papyrus?"

Papyrus rose his head to the direction of the voice. His sockets widened.

 

Its Sans.

 

"bro you here?" Sans' footsteps were getting close and louder. And louder.

Papyrus stood up from his feet and bolted away as fast as he could to the next direction away from the voice. He wouldn't care if his footsteps was too loud to hear. He was brought to a small area. There were so many directions he could pick, and lucky he found a pile of very tall grass where a hidden pathway was led to. He went inside and hid instead. Adjusting to his hiding spot, making sure to make no noise. He was so close to finding out.

Why does it have to be Sans? Of all monsters! He swore to the stars if Sans ever found out he was sobbing, he has to lie again. He doesn't have to find out. He will never find out. Ever.

"paps is that you?" Sans' voice echoed. Papyrus tries to muffle his snifflings and voluming down a bit. He just froze at the spot. And also small flinches. Curling his feet and arms to his chest.

"huh, i thought i saw him a moment ago.." Sans contemplates, scratching his skull and looks around momentarily "maybe its just me." Papyrus heard Sans' footseps moving again, but the sounds were toning down this time until he can't hear them. Papyrus waited for a moment, making sure Sans wasn't there anymore. And he wasn't.

Papyus' libs slumped to the ground with slight sound. He sighed, he can still feel his dry magic at his cheeckbones. His hand raised and touched his cheek, he can feel the wetness through the gloves. He thought for a moment there.

So much for wasting time and magic.


End file.
